The moment when the girl first seen her dad in the ICU. I liked how clean cut the story ended however, I disliked that it ended without giving much to reader in the sight of a resolution. I don't really remember much that I would like to eliminate, maybe add to. The faulty heart beat monitor perhaps symbolized the treatment that the father in the story wasn't receiving.
Scenes that jumped out to me within the narrative were the love letters that her father would write to her mother and how they two of them would wait for a response. The scene where she describes her father hooked up to the machines and the transparency of his eyes emphasized his condition. I did not enjoy the ending because it left the reader hanging. Was the dad okay? Was she going to move to where her mother was? The reader is left when many questions and a sense of grief. Sections that I suggest eliminating are the description of the boy that came into the library. Although he may have addressed the news to the narrator, that was his only role and he didn't seem to be as important. The narrator didn't need to be as specific when describing him. That would be the only section I suggest narrowing. Symbolism that developed was the love letters. They symbolized hope and always searching for the best.
The scenes that jump out to me the most is the end with the paragraph before and the one after. I feel this way because I recently lost someone very close to me and the descriptions of the room feel quite real because of my experience with hospitals and the wired hunting feeling I vividly remember. with in my own opinion i don't feel any section was worth eliminating because the charters loose some characterization and make the 'you're stronger in a broken place' make more scene.
I would eliminate some of the information shared about Ronny; since he's solely a messenger and not a family member nor love interest, we don't really need to know about his past or go too deep into his appearance. The ending was interesting because the author could have gone in one of two ways; one where she left out whether her dad died or not and kept the reading feeling grave and vulnerable to what the world does to us, or two, satisfy the reading as to what happens after the narrator sees her dad and complete whether he dies and what lessons she learned. I think for the context of this narrative, its better to leave the reader with a sense of humility and sadness for what the narrator is going through; it's obvious a tragic story so the ending doesn't need to be happy or give contempt for what happened. I didn't notice much symbolism except for the writing of the letters that the dad kept writing "like a prayer." I thought it was incredibly descriptive and creative writing because the narrator does a good job of painting the images of the dad sitting at the kitchen table every night. The fact that in the end, the dad told the narrator to write the letter that night shows that he is telling her to now take responsibility for them and keep them together.
There was good use of dialogue and the flashback to show different points in time like when she was at the hospital with her dad. The ending of the story was alright because she didn't really tell the outcome of her dad, however it was somewhat inferred,yet it was done in a way in which it tied back to what she was saying about being strong and her dad writing love letters to her mom, because he had hope he'd get her back. The most descriptive part was when she was describing the state that her dad was in when she saw him laying in the hospital bed, the doctor's prognosis, and how that made her feel.
I really liked the ending because it was predicable/ reasonable. It gave me a heart tugging and it kind of made reflect on what I would do I that situation. I think this is a well written essay, but one thing that could be eliminated is the extra characters that have small dialogue. I think if it was just the Father and Narrator it would have more impact on their relationship.
Joshua Lucero One of the descriptive parts I remember is the beginning of the story where he/ she describes the state of the house which showed me as a reader that they are poor. I like the ending because people are stronger in broken places and this story shows just that. The narrator had been through a lot in his/ her life and we strong throughout those hardships. I like the story as a whole and I don't think it should be changed.
I liked the introduction of the story. it cached my eye. I wanted to know more about it. The way that the author used the flashback was great. I knew where it began by the punctuation being used, and how she used. I also think the symbolism would be the heart monitor. This is because of how it was measuring the fathers heart, yet it did not measure his love. It could not keep him alive despite anything.
I think the scene that jumped out to me the most was the introduction because the way she explained the situation was simple yet still brought an emotional connection to the reader. It was sad but very well written to not sound sappy. I did like the ending not because of how it ended but because of how it was written. Obviously the situation and scenario is sad but the way the author wrote about it and kept the reader on a cliff hanger was amazing. A section I might suggest eliminating Roni's dialogue, it was relevant to the story but didn't seem to have any significance in the essay, it didn't bring anything to the table in other words. The letters symbolized love
The text that was especially descriptive we're the parts where he found out his father was in the ICU. You can depict his emotions from the dialogue. The ending was expected, yet I was expecting a happier one where the family would come back together, however, it seemed realistic. I think the story doesn't need to eliminate anything,however, if the had to maybe some of Ronny's description. The narrative scenes tie together. There was symbolism with the heart monitor. It was talking about how a heart monitor can't measure a man's pain. Also, I think the cigarettes and beer represent a bad habit or something unnecessary like how his father quite smoking and drinking after the mother left. There was a representation of her the letters also symbolized the father's abundant love.
At the beginning of the narrative the writer gives her readers an image for us to display in our minds of what she was going through with her family due to financial struggles. He made it seem as if he were a young girl who didn't understand what was going on since all of her stuff and her familys belongings were taken away from her. A Scene that jumped out to me the most was where her mom wasn't supportive of what occurred to her and his family and she left them. In my opinion, I feel like that is what molded this narrative. she remained alone with her dad and they got accustom to a new living without her mom. Throughout the narrative, the narrator remained positive about her mom and constantly sent her letters. This can be symbolism because it shows love and that she still cares.
The part that mostly stood out to me was the part in which she describes the ICU floor. In the description she say that the ICU floor was empty, dark, and cool. This brings up a really scary image to my head like something bad is about to happen. The ending was emotional, and it brought the story together. I suggest eliminating the fourth paragraph. The symbol that came up throughout the story is family.
The narrative was very good at imagery overall. I really liked when the author described hospital room and the "dozens of machines " because it shows that the author felt fear for her father. I thought the ending had a really good cliffhanger leaving the reader curious. I wouldn't really suggest many eliminations because I thought the details were necessary to create an empathetic relationship with the reader. I noticed potential symbolism when he gave up the alcohol and starting a new life without the life.
I liked the ending because the dad promised to bring the mother back. And he would make everything okay. I like the introduction because it start by describing the conflict and what condition they were in. It went back to the past to convey and impact.
When she describes her father smoking and writing letter I visualize very clearly because of the situation they're in it's very movie like. So I have scenes like this so I was able to paint a picture of it. I liked it just because it was foreshadowing what would happen and it all made sense. It was a pretty sad ending but it had a good process towards it. I'd probably eliminate where the aunt would call and try make sense of her parent. Symbolism would be the letters
The first paragraph actually caught my attention because already it establishes the storyline or the hook. It makes the readers curious as to why and how they lost everything, somewhat building to the suspense.
There are some sections in the narrative where drag-sentences occurred. This drag-on sentence can been seen when the narrator is stocking the book shelves. These run-on sentences causes the reader to become distracted however, not all run-on sentences are bad since its describing the setting (show vs. telling).
One of the symbolism that I came across was when the narrator's dad wrote the love letters to his wife.
The moment when the girl first seen her dad in the ICU. I liked how clean cut the story ended however, I disliked that it ended without giving much to reader in the sight of a resolution. I don't really remember much that I would like to eliminate, maybe add to. The faulty heart beat monitor perhaps symbolized the treatment that the father in the story wasn't receiving.
ReplyDeleteScenes that jumped out to me within the narrative were the love letters that her father would write to her mother and how they two of them would wait for a response. The scene where she describes her father hooked up to the machines and the transparency of his eyes emphasized his condition. I did not enjoy the ending because it left the reader hanging. Was the dad okay? Was she going to move to where her mother was? The reader is left when many questions and a sense of grief. Sections that I suggest eliminating are the description of the boy that came into the library. Although he may have addressed the news to the narrator, that was his only role and he didn't seem to be as important. The narrator didn't need to be as specific when describing him. That would be the only section I suggest narrowing. Symbolism that developed was the love letters. They symbolized hope and always searching for the best.
ReplyDeleteThe scenes that jump out to me the most is the end with the paragraph before and the one after. I feel this way because I recently lost someone very close to me and the descriptions of the room feel quite real because of my experience with hospitals and the wired hunting feeling I vividly remember. with in my own opinion i don't feel any section was worth eliminating because the charters loose some characterization and make the 'you're stronger in a broken place' make more scene.
ReplyDeleteI would eliminate some of the information shared about Ronny; since he's solely a messenger and not a family member nor love interest, we don't really need to know about his past or go too deep into his appearance.
ReplyDeleteThe ending was interesting because the author could have gone in one of two ways; one where she left out whether her dad died or not and kept the reading feeling grave and vulnerable to what the world does to us, or two, satisfy the reading as to what happens after the narrator sees her dad and complete whether he dies and what lessons she learned. I think for the context of this narrative, its better to leave the reader with a sense of humility and sadness for what the narrator is going through; it's obvious a tragic story so the ending doesn't need to be happy or give contempt for what happened.
I didn't notice much symbolism except for the writing of the letters that the dad kept writing "like a prayer." I thought it was incredibly descriptive and creative writing because the narrator does a good job of painting the images of the dad sitting at the kitchen table every night. The fact that in the end, the dad told the narrator to write the letter that night shows that he is telling her to now take responsibility for them and keep them together.
There was good use of dialogue and the flashback to show different points in time like when she was at the hospital with her dad. The ending of the story was alright because she didn't really tell the outcome of her dad, however it was somewhat inferred,yet it was done in a way in which it tied back to what she was saying about being strong and her dad writing love letters to her mom, because he had hope he'd get her back. The most descriptive part was when she was describing the state that her dad was in when she saw him laying in the hospital bed, the doctor's prognosis, and how that made her feel.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the ending because it was predicable/ reasonable. It gave me a heart tugging and it kind of made reflect on what I would do I that situation. I think this is a well written essay, but one thing that could be eliminated is the extra characters that have small dialogue. I think if it was just the Father and Narrator it would have more impact on their relationship.
ReplyDeleteJoshua Lucero
ReplyDeleteOne of the descriptive parts I remember is the beginning of the story where he/ she describes the state of the house which showed me as a reader that they are poor. I like the ending because people are stronger in broken places and this story shows just that. The narrator had been through a lot in his/ her life and we strong throughout those hardships. I like the story as a whole and I don't think it should be changed.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteI liked the introduction of the story. it cached my eye. I wanted to know more about it.
ReplyDeleteThe way that the author used the flashback was great. I knew where it began by the punctuation being used, and how she used. I also think the symbolism would be the heart monitor. This is because of how it was measuring the fathers heart, yet it did not measure his love. It could not keep him alive despite anything.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI think the scene that jumped out to me the most was the introduction because the way she explained the situation was simple yet still brought an emotional connection to the reader. It was sad but very well written to not sound sappy.
ReplyDeleteI did like the ending not because of how it ended but because of how it was written. Obviously the situation and scenario is sad but the way the author wrote about it and kept the reader on a cliff hanger was amazing.
A section I might suggest eliminating Roni's dialogue, it was relevant to the story but didn't seem to have any significance in the essay, it didn't bring anything to the table in other words.
The letters symbolized love
Ronny not Roni
DeleteThe text that was especially descriptive we're the parts where he found out his father was in the ICU. You can depict his emotions from the dialogue.
ReplyDeleteThe ending was expected, yet I was expecting a happier one where the family would come back together, however, it seemed realistic.
I think the story doesn't need to eliminate anything,however, if the had to maybe some of Ronny's description. The narrative scenes tie together.
There was symbolism with the heart monitor. It was talking about how a heart monitor can't measure a man's pain. Also, I think the cigarettes and beer represent a bad habit or something unnecessary like how his father quite smoking and drinking after the mother left. There was a representation of her the letters also symbolized the father's abundant love.
*her
DeleteAt the beginning of the narrative the writer gives her readers an image for us to display in our minds of what she was going through with her family due to financial struggles. He made it seem as if he were a young girl who didn't understand what was going on since all of her stuff and her familys belongings were taken away from her. A Scene that jumped out to me the most was where her mom wasn't supportive of what occurred to her and his family and she left them. In my opinion, I feel like that is what molded this narrative. she remained alone with her dad and they got accustom to a new living without her mom. Throughout the narrative, the narrator remained positive about her mom and constantly sent her letters. This can be symbolism because it shows love and that she still cares.
ReplyDeleteThe part that mostly stood out to me was the part in which she describes the ICU floor. In the description she say that the ICU floor was empty, dark, and cool. This brings up a really scary image to my head like something bad is about to happen. The ending was emotional, and it brought the story together. I suggest eliminating the fourth paragraph. The symbol that came up throughout the story is family.
ReplyDeleteThe narrative was very good at imagery overall. I really liked when the author described hospital room and the "dozens of machines " because it shows that the author felt fear for her father. I thought the ending had a really good cliffhanger leaving the reader curious. I wouldn't really suggest many eliminations because I thought the details were necessary to create an empathetic relationship with the reader. I noticed potential symbolism when he gave up the alcohol and starting a new life without the life.
ReplyDeleteI liked the ending because the dad promised to bring the mother back. And he would make everything okay. I like the introduction because it start by describing the conflict and what condition they were in. It went back to the past to convey and impact.
ReplyDeletewent back to convey the current condition and that past event impacted the author*
DeleteThe scene where father was at hospital
ReplyDeleteno because it does not end clearly
eliminating aunts drunk part
When she describes her father smoking and writing letter I visualize very clearly because of the situation they're in it's very movie like. So I have scenes like this so I was able to paint a picture of it.
ReplyDeleteI liked it just because it was foreshadowing what would happen and it all made sense. It was a pretty sad ending but it had a good process towards it.
I'd probably eliminate where the aunt would call and try make sense of her parent.
Symbolism would be the letters
The first paragraph actually caught my attention because already it establishes the storyline or the hook. It makes the readers curious as to why and how they lost everything, somewhat building to the suspense.
ReplyDeleteThere are some sections in the narrative where drag-sentences occurred. This drag-on sentence can been seen when the narrator is stocking the book shelves. These run-on sentences causes the reader to become distracted however, not all run-on sentences are bad since its describing the setting (show vs. telling).
One of the symbolism that I came across was when the narrator's dad wrote the love letters to his wife.