Today we discussed the difference between descriptive (showing) language and expository (telling) language. The basis of all good writing is bringing things to life-- using precise nouns and active verbs is the key to do this. In a response to this post, please give an example of a telling statement ("the water is hot") and follow it with 4-5 showing statements ("steam rose from the surface".)
Telling: The boy is scared
ReplyDeleteShowing: The boy was perpetrating profusely from his hands and underarms. The hairs on his neck stood on end as he began to develop the bumpy skin of a fowl; for he began to perceive what was to come in the next few moments. Unable to control the involuntary shaking of his body, he held his breath and braced for what may happen next.
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ReplyDeleteThe boy is scared
ReplyDeleteThe small child mouth unbolted is afraid.
The fragile child is merciful
The kid with eyes agape is petrified
The kid's view is blocked form a terrifying thing, he is scared.
The grown child, face pale is scared.
telling: The boy is scared.
ReplyDeleteshowing: The boy's blue eyes turned to shadow green as he looked down the dull- grey hallway. He noticed his shivering hand moved as fast as his heart. He could here his loud gulp in response to his loud bedroom door opening. He could feel his throat ready to scream. His jaw began to shake and could not feel his body; only his abnormal beating heart as he step forward into the darkness.
The boy is scared.
ReplyDeleteHis eyes widened and filled with tears.
His heart raced.
His legs grew weak.
He couldn't breath as if the air was trapped in his lungs.
The boy clasped his ears trying to block out the fear.
Telling:
ReplyDeleteThe boy is scared
Showing:
His eyes grew larger
His body started to tremble
His hands fidget
His mouth started to quiver
Teeth started to chatter
Breathing became rapid
Bumpy skin began to form
Chills ignited in his body
Joshua Lucero
ReplyDeleteTelling statement: The boy is scared.
Showing Statement:
1)Esther's lips quivered withholding a cry of fear.
2)His eyes shook frantically losing focus and direction.
3)Burrito boy's hand trembled as he gazed upon the hot sauce monster.
4)His hair stood up as he stared into the dark abyss of the monsters eyes.
5)The cry of fear was deep in the conscious of Esther, in the trench of his mind, but he could not scream, paralyzed but trembling all over, his lips quivering, his eyes fighting back the tears of the dead, disabling his mind, and he could not save his family.
The boy is scared.
ReplyDeleteBeads of water crawled past his frantic eyes.
His spine hunched over, palms out to counter abuse.
His eyes darted back and forth, left and right.
The outline of his hands blurred, his cross fell with a thud.
He had roses in his cheeks and icicles in his fingers;
"The car is old"
ReplyDeleteThe rust had spread over the car that was once shiny and black. Sitting in the parking lot, The tires had metallic rims in comparison to the rust that spread generously across the car. The back bumper was spray painted with cheap silver, trying to cover the dated appearance trying to make it look new. The car rattled loudly as it started and quickly silenced once more. The car that was once luxury lay worthless on the grass of my grandfather's ancient farm.
The car is old.
ReplyDeleteIt has rust collecting from the hinges.
The driver door creaking nosily.
The once polished leather seats cracking with age.
The hazy headlights yellowing from lack of air.
The bumper hanging from loose wiry strings.
The car is old. The paint flaking off like a leaf falling form a tree in fall at the slightest zephyr. The handle rattled like coins in a pocket.The engine sounded more of a stick being pulled across a chain link fence. The sad excuse of tiers look rotted decaying every inch they rolled forward squeaking under the weight of their own existence, even the rubber looked like it was at death door.
ReplyDeleteThe wall is blue. The flat surface that enclosed us vibrated with the same same hugh of color that resented the light morning spring sky. It's discreet color changes closed it's occupiers from the picture it represented like that from a television's screen and it's viewers. It was enclosing as its function was to trap like a prison. However, open colors shot vibrance into the otherwise bleak landscape.
ReplyDeleteHe is talking. His mouth twitched as he tried to make sound. His eyes moved all over the place trying to find someone who would listen to him. He had to lick his lips ever so often. He would take several seconds trying to catch his breathe as he continued with his story. He would look at his hands as he told the truth.
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ReplyDeleteThe car is old.
ReplyDeleteThe rust concealed the cars bumpers
The cars exterior remained in mint condition
The car remained functional
The cars tires flattened against the pavement
The cars interior collected dust
The boy is scared...
ReplyDeleteHis eyes glistened through the peephole.
His pupils enlarged as he captured the moment of disbelief.
His forehead was dripping sweat in fear.
His heart beat was visible through his chest.
The car is old. Car has old flat tire full of dry dirt. The car is so noisy that people are just staring at it waiting for that car to pass by. car color is unknown because its full of mark and scratches. car leather seat does not have leather anymore. car has one door that look like old person hand and half of the door is pushed inside the car.
ReplyDeleteThe crater-filled wall tainted with ocean blue paint made the whole room glowed in different shades of turquoise.
ReplyDeleteThe car is old
ReplyDeleteCar's color is faded and it looks like pastel blue now.
The surface of the roof is rough and skin is coming off exposing dark grey metal.
The headlights of the car isn't clear, it is filled with mist and dirt.
The exterior of the car contains marks, concave holes.
Car's front door's handle is broken and replaced with different color.